plenty of fish in the sea?

Part of moving on is sitting in the pain and sadness but getting out of it sooner rather than later is preferred. Unfortunately thats not how it works. When we feel sadness about loss of any relationship it takes time to mourn whether that be a good one or bad one. I'm not just talking about romantic ones i'm talking about all relationships (i.e. jobs, friends, etc.) Sometimes its easier to get over grieving some situations than others. Other times it can feel like an eternity. As i go through this process myself i realized that there is not just one person for us in this world but there are many. Its a matter of figuring out what we want and how compatible we are. I know part of loving someone is letting them go but its easier said than done. I don't necessarily consider myself to be attractive, rather i think of myself as being somewhere in the lower middle section, particularly in the gay world. So why is it that tonight i was offered to go out with three different people just for coffee and conversation and i rejected all of them? As much as i wanted to go, a part of me was not ready to go and told me to just sit tight in the sadness for now. Cognitively, i'm saying fuck it and go but at the same time i know i need to give myself room to breathe. It's not an easy process but its there and i can't ignore it. So i sit here listening to music that lets me feel my emotions in its entirety.

So here i am waiting to go seek out other fish...........

Alls never fair in love and war

So i am in psych and i have studied the field for the last 14 years. We understand the basics of neurological functioning and cognitive processes but we don't truly understand what emotions are. We know how they are produced but we don't know why.

So what do we know about feelings that we have towards people we like and to a further extent love?

ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY NOTHING!!!!

I can rationalize why i am no longer with a person all i want but the fact remains that my feelings are still there. I understand that the feelings will fade and things will change eventually but i don't think they really do. I think they are masked with other things that come into our lives. One doesn't simply move on to someone else and something new. Of course in that moment you would want to have sex with someone just to feel wanted or do something to feel something but that is simply a temporary band-aid to the real problem of avoiding the feelings you have.



Does this truly apply? Because when one love all rime and reason go out the window and you are driven by pure emotion. One does not fear losing as it is fears feeling the loss.

"Pains of the heart and soul may not be mere flesh wounds but they are wounds that last a lifetime."- Me

Taking steps for change!!!

Like i said in my last post. 2014 is the year of me!!! So i kept to my word and ended my relationship where i wasn't that happy in. I knew it had to be done and luckily it ended as i hoped. So here is a fresh start!!!! To ME!!!!!

New Year

So its been about a year and a half since i had my last blog. It is the beginning of a new year and i've come to decide that i'm making this my year of me!!! Yes, i said it. A year of me. I want this year to focus on me being happy and making changes that i want to see. I realized now that i'm 31, I've been living my life for everyone else but me. I was always doing things to make people happy and i was hoping in return that i would be happy but guess what.....didn't work. So Heres to the start of my New Me!!!!!

Step One: Eat More GOOD FOOD!!!!!!

Step Two: Exercise more consistently!!!.....So that i can eat more GOOD FOOD!!!!!!


Step Three: Repeat steps 1 and 2

Step Four: I want to do more traveling so i will definitely have to budget more.
                 Goal for travel in 2014: Boston, Florida, SoCal, maybe more.......


Thats the start of my list and lets see where it takes me.


As always just trying to be honest with it.

P.S. hopefully friends can visit as well!!!!!

Its about time!!!

So this is my first blog EVER!!!

Let me start by saying that i started this blog to share my thoughts on life, fashion, movies, etc.

I started this blog because i just recently moved back to California from Boston and thought, what the hell!!! mind as well give this a try.

OK!!! So i moved back to San Jose, CA on May 16th. I moved back to CA because i knew it was time for a change. I was living in Boston and while i had great people around me i was still stuck and didn't see any progress coming so i applied to go back to school to accumulate more debt and come out with a degree that will hopefully pay some of my bills. That wondrous degree being a Doctorate in clinical psychology. LOL. Sigh**** While that was the primary hope that i would get in when i applied i decided to move back to CA anyways because i wanted to start my life over again. Boston was a nice city but i felt limited there and needed a change of scenery. Making this decision was one of the hardest i ever had to make in my life. I was about leaving everything i knew as an adult to come back to a state that i only knew in my youth. I left CA when i was 18 and now as i approach 30 i am coming back to CA. 30 may not seem to be a big deal to some people but for me its tough. Being Asian, Gay, and turning 30 in some ways meant your life was over. LOL. I have been talking about how its over for me but i refuse to buy into the idea that a gay man at 30 is done. If anything i feel like my life is just starting again. Thus begins my journey into the blogging world.